The Call Refused (Your Own Hero's Journey)

In the hero’s journey model, the hero (you) starts out in his or her normal life, and then something happens that offers an opportunity for change. It may be an outer event (a relationship starts or ends, schooling begins, illness happens), or something inner (you get disillusioned and restless, or become curious to try something new). This opportunity for change is known as “the call to adventure”-- whether that “adventure” is something you sought after or something that was thrust upon you (getting fired, for instance, or having your spouse leave you).  Sometimes change clobbers you on the head, whether you seek it or not.

We can see the call to adventure exemplified in so many movies and books. In the film Avatar, marine Jake Sully gets the call to adventure when summoned to Pandora for a mission. In The Wizard of Oz, the tornado sweeps Dorothy into her adventure. And in Good Will Hunting, Will’s adventure launches when he’s caught solving the math puzzle.

But the call to adventure doesn’t just happen in movies. It also happens in our lives, over and over. Sometimes we may enthusiastically follow the call—sometimes too enthusiastically, in fact, taking on more than we’re ready for. But at other times, and more typically, we resist the call because we fear change. This phenomenon is known as “the call refused”—when the hero (you), tries to keep life as it has been, whether that’s possible or not.

Undoubtedly, you have been called to adventure many times, although you may not have framed events in quite that light. How many of those calls have you followed? When in your life have you refused that call? What opportunities have you let slip by? What did you begin but never finish? What people did you let get away from you, with whom maybe you could have had meaningful relationship? What inner urgings are you ignoring now? What outer changes are you resisting instead of embracing?

I’d like to invite you to take 15 minutes right now to write about how you’ve resisted the call in your own life, and with what consequence. It may help to spend five minutes brainstorming first, just listing the times you’ve refused the call. Chances are something surprising will pop up for you. Then, start writing.

At the least, the exercise will help you to remember that you can reframe everything that happens in your life as part of your heroic journey, and to acknowledge that everything offers opportunities for learning and transformation. Please let me know how it works for you!

Why You Can't Recapture Past Bliss

When I was 19 or 20, I had an experience that turned everything I had known until that point on its head. I was camping out at a remote lake in Canada. My mind was clear and my heart calm. As I gazed out over the lake, I suddenly “saw” all the ripples on the surface of the lake merge together as the lake started laughing. And then, time stopped. I knew in that moment the meaning of eternity. I understood what time was, and wasn’t. I knew why I was on earth and I knew my place in the flow of life. I know this sounds very cosmic and perhaps even delusional, but it really did happen. The effects of the experience lasted for several weeks, but gradually, I returned to my normal consciousness.

After that experience, I wanted little more than to have another experience just like that one.  But alas, no matter what I did, I could not make the universe expand again. I took up meditating, I prayed, I joined a spiritual group and dedicated myself heart and soul to the quest for over 20 years, and even though I had some wonderful experiences, never again did time stop for me; never again did I feel as clear and connected to divinity as I did at that moment. I continually prayed for another 10 seconds of such divine bliss.

And then, a few weeks ago, a friend named Jeffrey Courson said something that made so much sense that I had to write about it. He said that after spending years trying to recapture a peak experience that he had gone through, he finally realized that life never repeats itself. Just as no two snowflakes are identical, neither are any two experiences in life, and nothing will ever happen again in exactly the same way it did the first time. In other words, those early amazing experiences will NEVER recur. Instead, they lay a foundation upon which something new can grow.

And of course, this is 1000 percent true. It’s true not only for spiritual experience, but for everything. You can’t ever re-experience love in exactly the same way as you did in the past, nor creativity, nor success. It’s futile to pine for another peak experience like the one from the past, because it’s impossible that it will ever come round again. What will come around is something with more shading, more complexity, more depth—because it will be layered on top of whatever you experienced before.

In fact, holding onto the idea that you need to recapture anything actually shuts down your energy systems. You wear lenses tuned only to the frequency of what you already know, instead of remaining absolutely open to something new. If you let go of the thought, “someday I’ll find that bliss again,” you’ll notice a feeling of spaciousness inside, a feeling of relief, a feeling that you are allowing the universe to flow through you again in its own way.

Every breath carries a new promise, completely different from any breath that came before it. We humans constantly try to shape life into a solid form that will comply to our hopes and bestow upon us what we want, but the river of life can’t be stopped, shaped, or made to flow backwards. What came before has long since gone down river. Perhaps wisdom lies in surrendering to that river with open eyes, open ears, open arms, an open heart, and a life filled with gratitude for being able to take the ride, come what may.

Many Blessings,

Hiyaguha

Dr. Hiyaguha Cohen offers life coaching by Skype or phone and in-person Hawaii counseling. Click HERE to go to her website.

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed: Part 1

 Many of us scrape through life drained and exhausted. We can barely manage our to-do lists, no less find time for creativity or following passions. One way to free up some energy and end that overwhelmed feeling is to clear up your “tolerations.” Tolerations are those things you put up with—things that can be so subtle that you don’t even notice them any more. I usually ask new clients to make a list of the top 10 things they’re tolerating right off the bat, and typically, after they give it some thought, the list spills off the page. Once you start noticing the little things you’re putting up with, you’ll probably notice all sorts of other things, too.

A sticky computer key might be a toleration for you, or a cluttered desk, or a friend who keeps “forgetting” not to call you at work. Maybe it’s the tea that your favorite café serves too hot every time you order it, or your own messy hair in need of a trim, or the neighbor’s dog that does his business on your lawn, or your mother’s habit of interrupting you mid-sentence. Maybe it’s the client who always pays late, or the crooked picture on the wall, or the un-filed papers, or the science projects in the fridge.

The thing about tolerations is that they add up. The cumulative effect of those 10 little things you tolerate is huge. Each item alone might not seem like much, but add all 10 together and you have a life-zapping monster capable of completely enervating you. In fact, one of the reasons vacations tend to be so restorative is that when you go away, you finally escape your tolerations, at least for a time.

Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach U, points out that the rearing process for most kids involves developing patience, waiting your turn, thinking of others and not just yourself, and so forth. Kids are taught to compromise and be 'flexible.' While these attitudes and behaviors may promote interpersonal harmony, at the same time, they set the pattern of ignoring what bothers you.

Also, we ignore many things because we don’t think we can handle the consequences of doing something about them, or they seem too time-consuming. We fear telling Mom to stop interrupting because we don’t want to deal with her hurt feelings and going ballistic; we don’t file the papers because it doesn’t seem a priority, and so on. In the end, though, we pay a high price for letting things slide, in some cases, to the point of losing zest for life. This is no exaggeration!

Try writing down your top 10 tolerations right now. Take your time. When you finish, choose one item on the list to take care of today. And then, go do it. Finish it or fix it so you can scratch it off your list. Choose another for tomorrow and so on, until you get your list as trimmed down as you can. Some things may take longer than a day to complete, but if you start by vanquishing an easy one today, it will energize you to tackle the bigger ones later.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes!

Blessings,

Hiyaguha, The Life-Change Coach

Check out my website at www.thelifechangecoach.com

Alice Dancing Under the Gallows - Official Trailer

You have to check out this short video! This 106-year-old woman embodies Radical Love! She's a holocaust survivor, a concert pianist, and a remarkably positive presence on the planet!

Keeping Your Death in the Front Seat

I remember when I first read Carlos Casteneda years ago, I was struck by his teacher’s advice to always remember that death was hovering nearby. "How can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us?” Don Juan had said to Casteneda. “An immense amount of pettiness is dropped if your death makes a gesture to you, or if you catch a glimpse of it, or if you just have the feeling that your companion is there watching you."

It sometimes strikes me as an utter amazement that we skip through life completely oblivious to the ticking clock that lives within every cell of our bodies. Our daily dramas feel to us like endless plays that will continue into eternity, and so we involve ourselves in them with unbridled passion and pathos. Imagine how different our attitude might be if every time we got upset, stressed, or angry, a neon sign appeared right in front of our noses flashing the message, “Ten years, 267 days, and 37 minutes to go before returning to oblivion.”

Realizing that the ride will soon be over puts everything in perspective. When we embrace the fact that at any moment the lights might go out, that every second of our lives we are riding a moving sidewalk that ends at Station Death no matter what we do, and that we are all on that same moving sidewalk together, it sure pushes the question of what is really important up in the queue.

There is much noise in the New Age about being “in the moment” because “this moment is all we have.” The reality though, at least as far as I can tell, is that we don’t even “have” this moment, because every moment slips away the second it arrives. We own nothing. Again, the sidewalk is moving, moving, and we are built to self-destruct. So I would say that all we really can have is awareness of the movement of the sidewalk, and that is a great gift. We also can have an understanding that the end is always approaching us, which, too, can be a magnificent blessing, because it can free us from those entrapping moments where the drama of small and transient things leads us away from wisdom.

To me, the ultimate spiritual practice is to keep awareness of death at the forefront of consciousness, to remain exquisitely aware of the fact that we are renters and not owners on this planet and that the lease will expire, and to live with that sober recognition at all moments. And also, to know at a cellular level that everybody else is in the same boat, that we really and truly are sisters and brothers in this regard, and that pride and shame are utterly silly given this truth.

If the above words resonate for you, here are two practices that might help keep you in awareness:

Ask yourself periodically, throughout the day, “What am I?”

At least once a day, imagine yourself completely gone from the earth, your consciousness completely eradicated, with nothing left to do, to worry about, to accomplish, or fear. Rest in the feeling of deep peace this brings.

Many blessings,
Hiyaguha Cohen
The Life-Change Coach

Check out my website at www.thelifechangecoach.net.

The Meaning of a Birthday

You can take your birthday simply as a day when other people should pay you some attention, when you get to eat cake without guilt or worry, when you get to sit on your butt when the dishes need doing. But that approach to birthdays often ends in disappointment, because friends and family might not remember it’s your birthday, and even if they do, they probably won’t celebrate you enough to satisfy your need to feel special. Instead, why not take your birthday as a spiritual occasion, a day that reminds you of your decision to remain here on earth?

My former spiritual teacher used to say that on your birthday, your “soul comes to the fore and reaffirms its mission on earth.” I do think he was onto something real. If you pay attention on your birthday, you may notice that you feel more sensitive, more in tune with yourself than usual. Your heart may feel more full. Look in the mirror, and you will see more light in your eyes. Twenty or 40 or 70 years ago, your soul incarnated here on earth. I do believe it chose to come here at that time-- that it came with a special purpose. Your birthday is the anniversary of that auspicious event, of that choice to come into existence on the planet, and it is the perfect time to reassess.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I was born to a Jewish family five or so decades ago, at sundown on Yom Kippur, the Jewish highest holy day of atonement and forgiveness. According to the Torah, which is like the Jewish Bible, Yom Kippur is “The one day of the year… the day in which the power of One is revealed.” I arrived at sunset, when the atonement ended and the celebrating began. I’ve always felt that I chose that time to give myself a special message, and every year on my birthday I contemplate what that message might be.

And so, every year at my birth time, I take time out to pray and meditate. I pray that my soul will bless me with another year on the planet, and that it will remain at the fore to guide me to live in accordance with my mission here. I meditate to feel the special birthday blessings that seem to descend, every single year without fail, on that day. And also, I take the day as a time to listen to myself—to really listen—and to make choices in accordance to what my inner voice dictates.

If your birthday is coming up, I suggest you go within. Meditate. Pray. Stop expecting the world to shower you with recognition and cake. Instead, give presents to people. Give your presence to people, as well, and to yourself. Take your birthday as your holiest day of the year, a day of sanctity and great blessings. You have been given the gift of existing on earth for another rotation around the sun. There is reason to feel gratitude.

Here is a short prayer you can say on your birthday: “Thank you for giving me another year to behold the beauty of this planet, to connect to the hearts of other beings, to listen and see with wonder and joy. May my own soul and my Higher Power guide my every breath in the year to come.”

Seven Signs That You Should Quit Your Job

Considering the bad economy, it may seem frivolous to write about quitting a job, but the fact is, even in miserable economies, staying in a job can be more destructive than leaving it. A bad job can undermine your physical and psychological health to such a degree that it isn’t worth continuing in it, even given the financial risks. Of course, each case is different, but it certainly seems that life should come before livelihood except in the most dire of circumstances. Here are some warning signs to watch for:

1. You’re getting sick a lot. Misery and stress damage your immune system, as numerous studies have shown. Your mind may tell you that you can sweat it out through job burnout, that you can keep going for the paycheck that you need, but your body tells a different story. If you’re falling victim to whatever infectious diseases are in the air--getting colds and viruses more than usual--that’s an early warning sign. If you don’t take the hint, you may become victim to life-threatening illnesses. It really can become a matter of “your money or your life.”

2. You hate waking up in the morning. If staying in bed seems far more appealing than getting your day in gear, and if this happens day after day, week after week, something has gone seriously wrong. Of course, several things in your life may be less than wonderful, but if your job stands out as the thing you dread most, it’s time to quit. After all, you have a limited number of mornings on this planet—why let your job rob you of any of them?

3. You can’t get to sleep at night. Again, many things may be keeping you up at night, but if you find yourself thinking about the job as you lay in bed, or, if you know you’re carrying so much stress from that job that you simply can’t slow down at night, that’s a clear signal that the job has become destructive, that you are a victim of job burnout.

4. You’re getting into lots of fights with people. If you aren’t getting enough sleep or your body isn’t doing well, if you’re stressed and distracted by work and miserable from it, you won’t have as much patience with people. And so, fights may result. If it feels like every question or request from other people weighs a ton and is too much to handle, you’re in over your head.

5. You hate your life. What’s the point of working to support a life you hate? Is such a life even worth supporting? Are you just hanging in there expecting things to get better eventually? What if they get worse? Why not create a life with space for breathing, so that you can figure out what else you can do? At a certain point, hanging onto your lifestyle becomes irrelevant, and making room for life becomes paramount.

6. You’ve lost interest in everything, except vacations. Well, it’s obvious if all you care about is vacationing, getting away from your life, that something in your life needs to change. If the job is the thing, it may be time to act.

7. You’ve developed high-blood pressure or another stress-related condition. Again, the body tells the story. If you’re already at the point of damage to your health, the sirens are screaming, the alarms are clanging, it’s time to start healing job burnout and quit.

If you feel stuck, if you feel you have no alternative, if you can’t get yourself to quit even though you know staying puts you at physical or mental risk, perhaps it’s time to get some outside help. Sometimes it helps to have an outside perspective to overcome the fear, inertia, guilt, and the stories we tell ourselves that keep us married to things that have the power to destroy us.

Dr. Cohen offers life and career coaching by Skype or phone and in-person Hawaii counseling. Click HERE to go to her website.

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