If you think your parents did a wonderful job of rearing you, if you think they helped you to have a strong sense of self and that they avoided doing things that made you grow into a fearful, neurotic or insecure adult; if you would be delighted to be just like your mother and your father--you are a lucky person indeed.
Most of us believe that our parents messed us up, that they gave us problems--even if we love them dearly. At some level, we still hold them responsible for our vulnerabilities, although we tell ourselves that we've forgiven them. This sure applies to you if you wince whenever someone says, "You're just like your mother (or father)."
At some point in the journey toward wholeness, we need to forgive our parents completely for the mistakes they made and the hurts they caused us. Otherwise, we can never fully grow up: we're still like children victimized by the big people. And because, like children, we have underlying resentment of our parents, we can't be wise in rearing our own kids. We relate to our own children in reaction to our parents. For instance, if your mother was too critical and controlling, you might react by praising your child nonstop and setting no limits--but then your child develops an unrealistic sense of self and feels undirected, and so she grows up resenting you for being spineless. She reacts by imposing strict limits on her own kids, who resent her for it, and so they over-indulge their kids. In this way, family devils get passed on down the line. The pattern may take a different form in your family, but unless you're one of the lucky few, you can bet that some of your attitudes and life-challenges have roots that originated generations ago.
At some point, the pattern has to stop--and why not have it stop with you? To forgive your parents completely is the first step. Then, you need to also forgive all the people who shaped your parents, and then the people who shaped your grandparents and so on. Whatever problems or issues or neuroses your parents passed onto you were no doubt passed on to them. If you could trace the geneology of your issues you would probably find that whatever problems you're grappling with today started 20 or 30 or 40 generations ago, passed from parent to child down the line.
Here's a link to some wonderful, powerful prayers for forgiving all of your ancestors. The language is a bit religious for some people, and if that bothers you, stick with "The Gift of Life Prayer 1." But if you don't mind the references to a Creator, scroll down until you come to "Prayer IV--The Prayer Of Generational Forgiveness." Just give it a try and feel the weight lifting from your chest. I hope you find that in forgiving your lineage all the way to its ancient origins, you experience a great release and a heightened sense of freedom.
Many blessings,
